


I Am Cold (Can You Hear?)

by iktwabrokenbone (apiculteur)



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Titanic Fusion, F/F, Fluff and Angst, M/M, i dont remember half of what i wrote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 07:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3347900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apiculteur/pseuds/iktwabrokenbone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Titanic AU, in which Josh is Jack and Tyler is Rose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am Cold (Can You Hear?)

**Author's Note:**

> an anon asked me to write a titanic au so here it is.  
> apparently the titanics whole journey was only supposed to take 7 days and it crashed on the 4th night/5th day so if this seems like a rushed romance, that's why.
> 
> title from isle of flightless birds

Being as poor as he was, Josh had gotten good at gambling and card games. It was the quickest way to make money- granted, it involved a not inconsiderable factor of risk, but he could ignore that. Josh's face was far straighter than he himself would ever be as he picked up his final card.

 _Full house_. And with a pair of aces, no less. There was no way he was losing this. Still, he remained calm and collected until they had all revealed their hands, no one coming near to competing with his perfect hand.

Mark screamed when he told them all, going as far to kiss him in the heat of the moment. Really, he didn't care. They had their money still, and now tickets for the _Titanic_.

They stuffed everything they had gained into a pouch, tickets getting wrinkled as Mark clenched them tightly in his fist, still screaming as they ran out of the bar. The ship left in five minutes, and they were _not_ missing it.

***

They were on the _Titanic_. The biggest and greatest ship there ever was, staring out across a vast, cold ocean, with wonders waiting for them on the other end. _America_. What would that be like? He supposed he would have a lot of time to think about that on the way there.

His fingers gripped cool metal, his back pressing against it as he turned to face the decks of the ship. 'Titanic' was truly a fitting name, he gave credit to whoever came up with it.

He was distracted from his marvelling at the ship when his eyes caught on the dining area of the ship. It was rich looking, far too expensive for him to even dream about eating in, and held several tables, the largest of which was inhabited by a group of finely clothed men and women.

From this angle, he could see the face of a tanned man, looking upset as another man, slightly older, grasped his hand and said something with a smile. The smile looked sincere, but wrong in this situation. It was the kind of smile you saw when you had been awarded a trophy, or gotten your hands on a particularly expensive piece of jewellery.

The younger, more tanned man ripped his hand away, angrily fleeing the table to come outside, facing right towards Josh.

Beside Josh, Mark nudged him, letting out a disbelieving laugh. "You can't possibly think you're going to date him," he said.

"What?" Josh asked, still staring at the man, who had made eye contact with him, expression unchanging. The older man had joined him, placing an obviously unwanted hand on his shoulder. That only prompted the younger to storm away, leaving Josh with no one to stare at.

"That guy? That's _Tyler Joseph_ ," Mark told him.

From his friend's face, he could tell he was supposed to be amazed, but he had no idea why. The name was vaguely familiar, and he had looked very rich, but otherwise Josh didn't have a clue what Mark was saying.

"He's the son of the person who built this ship, and he's practically engaged to some rich dude," Mark said.

"What, that dude who looked like he was creeping him out?"

Mark lifted a shoulder. "Yeah, I think so. Whoever it is, it still won't happen."

Josh nodded. He had never expected anything to happen between the two of them, not even a conversation, he just thought Tyler was beautiful, and had wanted to know why he looked so upset.

***

One factor that Josh hadn't taken into account when he had boarded the ship was his seasickness. It wasn't debilitating, but it helped to keep him up at night, as did the cold winds outside.

Maybe the best solution was to just stay lying down in his bed, ignoring the sickness until he slept, but instead he was letting the elements mess up his hair beyond recognition and wake him up even more.

As he was completing his second lap of the ship, he saw someone looking over the rails of the ship. Feeling slightly lonely, Josh approached them, but stopped when he saw them put one foot on the rail, pushing up and swinging the other leg over.

They were on the other side of the rails now, one misjudged movement of the foot, or one slippery hand away from falling into the black water below. Josh did not like boats or swimming or cold water, but he slipped off his jacket any way, preparing to jump in after them if need be.

"Hey," he said, softly so as not to startle them.

They contorted their body to face him, tan face and tired eyes revealing themselves to him. Tyler Joseph, son of the man who created this boat. "Leave me alone," he said, leaning further forwards, fingers shifting on the rails as if threatening to let go.

"Are you going to let go?" he asked, crouching down to remove his boots. "'Cause it doesn't look too warm down there and I'm not the best swimmer."

"Don't jump in then." Tyler's feet moved, edging over the side of the boat.

"I couldn't let you die," Josh said, his shirt coming off next. It was cold as heck, and Josh was beginning to shiver. Tyler looked concerned though, which was what he had been hoping for. If Tyler thought he would follow (and he wasn't so sure he wouldn't, even if the plan had originally just been to pretend to want to) then maybe that would scare him away from jumping.

"Look, you don't have to die too just because some guy is sad and has decided to commit suicide," Tyler told him, looking frustrated. His feet had stopped moving around now, his fingers firmer on the rails. He was even leaning back again a bit.

"It's cold out, don't you think?" Josh said, ignoring Tyler and wrapping his arms over his chest. "It's far colder down there."

"Then _don't jump_ ," Tyler said.

"Follow your own advice."

"If you're gonna try and stop me, I can just do it another day," he said, huffing angrily. Tyler then turned around, pulling himself over the rails, onto Josh's side of the deck. However, before he could complete the action, his foot slipped, and Josh couldn't see Tyler, could only hear his scream.

"Tyler!" he shouted, dashing to the edge, still able to hear the man's whimpers. When he reached the edge, he could see Tyler clinging onto the lowest bar of the rail, knuckles white, dark eyes staring desperately up at Josh.

Josh seized Tyler's wrist, his grasp probably tight enough to leave bruises. Within another ten seconds, Tyler was on the deck, his body warming Josh's cold chest, panting loudly with terrified eyes. Right now, he reminded Josh of when he had seen an injured deer, hit by a car and left hurt but not dead. It had struggled when Josh had tried to help it, but eventually realised he was trying to help, its struggling dying down until it was just laying, still scared and in pain but more understanding.

Tyler pushed himself off of Josh's chest, allowing Josh to pull his shirt back on. He wasn't able to finish buttoning it completely before footsteps pounded towards them, an angry man catching sight of Josh and immediately shouting, the words he was spewing going over Josh's head.

Tyler looked more afraid and annoyed now, looking up at the man who was shouting. This did not go unnoticed by Josh, who tried to move himself between Tyler and the man.

"He did nothing to me, he was just helping me," Tyler protested, and Josh figured he had probably been accused of hurting Tyler. "I slipped and almost fell off the boat. He helped me up."

The angry man, who Josh was pretty sure was Tyler's fiancé, upon seeing his ring, glared disbelievingly at Josh. "Is this true, Mister...?"

"Josh Dun," he filled in, and paused. Tyler looked hopeful, pleading with Josh to agree. "Yeah. He... slipped."

 _Thanks_ , Tyler mouthed from behind his fiancé's shoulder, as the man had rather forcefully shoved him there. Josh couldn't respond without Tyler's fiancé seeing.

"See, Chad, Josh was helping," Tyler said, giving an encouraging smile to 'Chad'. It definitely wasn't real, and it only made Chad frown harder at Tyler, as if unsure if they were lying about what had happened or not. "Don't you think you should thank him?"

Chad looked sceptical of Josh, one eyebrow high on his seemingly permanently angry face. Josh was not a violent man, but punching Chad would not be something Josh would be averse to doing, especially not when he put one arm around Tyler, as if showing off some sort of _ownership_.

"Do you think so, darling?" Chad asked, looking down at Tyler.

"Yes, I do," he said firmly, staring meaningfully up at him.

There was a deep sigh and long, pondering pause, both supplied by Chad. "Perhaps the party tomorrow, so all our friends can meet the man who saved Tyler?" he asked, still seeming vaguely unsure. At this point, he seemed calmer, finally believing that Josh wasn't just some asshole who had tried hurting Tyler.

Josh glanced at Tyler, who smiled encouragingly. "That sounds lovely, Sir. Thank you," he forced himself to say gratefully.

Chad hummed disinterestedly. "Yes, it'll be just amazing. Be at the dining hall by four in the afternoon tomorrow, wearing a _suit_ , please," he said, frowning at Josh's current choice of clothing. Obviously, the scarceness of money was visible in the way Josh dressed, and his lack of clothes was hard to miss, especially on such a cold night.

"Thanks," Josh said, then took a step back. "I'll see you then. Goodnight."

With a final smile and farewell from Tyler, Josh moved quickly away. A party full of rich people was the last thing Josh wanted to attend, but he had committed now.

***

"Mark, I need a fancy suit for a party," Josh said, smiling guiltily at Mark. He had managed to catch a few hours of sleep before he woke up again, slightly seasick once again. After half an hour or so, he could eat without feeling too queasy, which was what he was doing then, sitting opposite to Mark on a small table.

"What?" Mark asked, obviously confused. Josh couldn't blame him- this was their second day on the ship, and already Josh had done _something_.

"Tyler almost fell off the boat yesterday, and I helped him up, so his fiancé invited me to a party," Josh said, neglecting to mention why he had almost fallen off the boat. It was probably quite safe to assume that Tyler didn't want people to know about that.

Of course, Mark was aware he was omitting a few details, but he was kind enough to not mention that. Instead, he gave Josh a weary look. "I'll find something, but I hate you," he said.

"I love you," he grinned, and Mark tried to give him a straight-faced glare, but ended up laughing.

***

The suit looked perfect, though it was slightly tight in some places. He could still move easily enough, but he couldn't lift his arms above himself properly, and he doubted he would be able to comfortably run. Something told him neither of those things were particularly big parts of fancy dinner parties, so it didn't really matter.

Mark walked him to the party, making sure other people were there before leaving him, like the protective mother he was. Josh couldn't pretend he wasn't grateful, as he had never been very good with parties, just because he wasn't very loud or outgoing. Having to repeatedly tell the same lie about how he _bravely saved_ Tyler would soon become tiring, he could predict.

As soon as he was actually in the hall they were using for the party, Chad was walking towards him, the same smile as yesterday on his face. "I was beginning to doubt you would come," he said, which made no sense since Josh was on time.

"I came," he said, and Chad looked him up and down disdainfully, making it obvious how much he had already begun to regret the invite he had given Josh.

"Yes," he said. "I noticed."

There was a long, awkward silence before he clapped an unwanted hand onto Josh's shoulder. "I'm sure Tyler would like to thank you again. He can deal with you," he said, guiding him towards a relatively quiet corner of the party, where Tyler stood uncomfortably, looking quite bored as he laughed along with whoever the two women beside him were.

Chad left as soon as they were within a foot of Tyler, muttering some excuse before going off to socialise with people he presumably found more interesting. The lack of interest between the two fiancés was painfully evident in everything they did, despite the show Chad had made yesterday, acting all protective of Tyler. He supposed Mark would probably act similarly if he thought someone was hurting Josh, though.

"Josh," Tyler said, perking up.

"Hey." The two girls were looking between Josh and Tyler curiously.

"So this is the guy who saved you yesterday?" one of them asked, the blonde haired woman.

"Yeah," Tyler agreed.

"I'm Jenna," she said, smiling at him and holding out a hand. "I should probably thank you for keeping Tyler alive."

He shook it, returning the smile. "It was nothing," he mumbled.

The other woman took a step forwards, brushing ginger-brown hair away from her eyes and giving him a little wave. "I'm Debby. And you don't have to be so modest."

"Nice to meet you both," he said. While he would have attempted to make more conversation with them, Jenna had taken a hold of Debby's hand was gently pulling her away.

"Well, me and Deb are hungry now. You two have fun," she said.

"Oh, okay. Bye." Debby and Jenna slipped away, leaving Josh and Tyler alone and with no knowledge of each other, apart from what Josh knew about Tyler's almost-suicide and engagement. He chose the less serious of the two as a conversation subject.

"So, you're getting married?" Josh started, awkwardly shifting. From what he had seen of the two together, they weren't very happy, so maybe he should have scraped his mind for some other conversation topic, but he was trying to avoid dragging silences.

Tyler laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, arranged. Chad is nice, but I don't want to marry him, and he doesn't want to marry me," Tyler told him.

Josh nodded stiffly. It wasn't like he could relate to that in any way, and he wasn't close enough to Tyler to know how to comfort him. "Nice," he said, instantly regretting it. If it had been his intention to sound like an apathetic asshole, he would have been doing a great job, but since he was actually trying to befriend Tyler, he wasn't doing quite so well.

Instead of getting angry at Josh like he had expected, Tyler just laughed, likely more out of surprise than anything. He wasn't able to respond, however, because people were beginning to sit down, resulting in several people talking to Josh, introductions and questions about how Josh 'so bravely saved Tyler!' After a few minutes of Josh answering them, most likely looking as out of place as he felt, they left him alone, turning to their own conversations with people they were actually friends with.

They were surrounded by people and far too many utensils, but at least no one was talking to him. There were three sets of forks per plate, all varying sizes. Josh stared at them, completely unsure which to use first.

The food hadn't been set out yet, and he could always wait a few seconds to check what other people were doing, but it helped to make it obvious that he _did not belong here_. No one else was confused by the excess of cutlery and general expensive looking things. Tyler nudged his side gently, leaning towards him to whisper in.

"Work your way in from the outside," he said, nodding towards the knives and forks.

"Thanks," he said back, under his breath to avoid catching the attention of the others at the table. Not that they would care, probably. Chad was laughing with some pretty redhead, Hayley, if he recalled correctly, and Tyler's parents seemed to be having some polite discussion with Chad's parents.

Josh found himself being forced to talk to Tyler, not that he minded it. If ever he was confused by some sort of weird rich people ritual, Tyler would murmur to him what to do, and helped steer the topic away from the previous night's events. In fact, it turned out they had quite a lot in common. The same sense of humour, passion for music, and confusion in regards to the life of the rich.

Tyler has been raised in a rich family, of course, so he understood it, but he looked no happier than Josh to be there, in fact, probably even more unhappy. If the pained smiles, worn and threadbare after years of use, were anything to go by, he was tired. Josh would be, too. He thought of time spent collapsed on uncomfortable sofas, smiling nonetheless, card games and pointless conversations, all the things he shared with Mark, and found that he could easily imagine Tyler sinking down beside them.

Somehow, after only hours of talking, they seemed to fit together so well, Josh already feeling almost able to call him a friend, though he wouldn't admit it. From the way it was looking, it wouldn't be too long before the party broke up- already, there were less people than before- and it wasn't yet six o'clock. Maybe he could invite Tyler to meet Mark, if only to help him get away from all of these people he didn't seem happy around. When he spoke to Josh, he seemed relatively happy, and Josh hoped it wasn't just his imagination telling him Tyler liked him, or his company, at least.

By seven, the party was over, and Tyler and Josh had left together after brief goodbyes to those they had shared a table with. At first, they were meandering aimlessly across the deck, listening to the waves, the boat's metal stern cutting through water and creating wakes, but eventually Josh got up the nerve to invite him to his room. It wasn't like a date or anything, he had no reason to be apprehensive.

"You should come to my room. Meet Mark, hang out. Just whatever," he said, feeling proud of himself when he managed to make it sound as casual and cool as he could ever hope to be.

Tyler perked at that, smiling at him, and Josh couldn't help but want to see more of that smile, with dimples and squinting and his teeth showing. "Sure."

"Cool." Josh was smiling back at Tyler, probably too wide or bright, but he didn't stop. "Follow me."

***

Mark raised an eyebrow when he saw who Josh had brought home. "Hey?" he greeted, glancing between Josh and Tyler. "Uh, do you want me to-" He pointed to the door.

Josh laughed, aware of Tyler looking embarrassed behind him. "We're just gonna hang. It'd be cool if you joined," Josh told him, pulling off his tie and suit jacket, then untucking his shirt. Ideally, he would like to change out of the clothes altogether, and he could, but then Tyler would be left overdressed and out of place, so it was a small sacrifice to keep on his slightly too small shirt and pants.

Mark seemed surprised, but as though he was trying not to show it. "Oh, sure. I'm Mark," he said, offering a hand to Tyler, which he accepted with the same practiced ease as the smile he flashed. He was treating this like business, but Josh assumed he would soon loosen up as he got to know Mark.

"Tyler," he replied. From there, conversation started. At first, polite, slightly stunted talk about the party, whether he had enjoyed it and what had happened, but it quickly changed to more relaxed subjects. What their life was like, passions and past and stupid things they did when they were kids.

It was strange, the way he instantly became friends with him. There were a few moments in which an inside joke made reminded them that Tyler hadn't always been part of their friendship, but for the most part he seemed as though he had been a friend for years rather than days, or hours, really.

Talking in the early hours of the morning, when people were too tired to stop themselves from saying the things they wanted to, and no one cared if they did, was perhaps the best way to get to know someone. It almost made Josh panic that suddenly he knew Tyler so intimately, undoubtedly already _friends_ with him even after such a short amount of time. He knew his parents names, that he loved them both very much but they pushed him into things too much and stressed him out, about his childhood friends, the people who he had loved but fallen out of touch with or in some way been pulled away from. It was a step away from being _too much_ , overwhelming, and he could tell Tyler felt the same way too, after Josh shared with him everything he had to give.

Josh felt slightly bad when he realised that Mark had excused himself some time ago, and neither of them had noticed that he hadn't returned. Honestly, Josh had meant for all three of them to bond, but Mark would probably laugh it off tomorrow, making jokes about not wanting to interrupt their 'date'.

***

He was lying on the floor when he woke up, a warm body curled up around him. As he faced the person beside him- Tyler, it turned out- he noticed the pillow under his head and the blanket laid over them. Mark deserved an award for how great he was.

Since Tyler hadn't yet awoken, he slipped out from under the blanket as carefully as possible and rooted around for some clothes to wear, stretching himself out to pop his stiff joints before starting to change into them.

Of course, Tyler woke up just as he had pulled on a clean pair of boxers, and was wearing nothing else.

"Wh- oh, sorry!" Tyler said, blinking sleepily before rolling over to face the other way.

"I thought you'd sleep longer. Uh- one sec," Josh apologised. Dang it, he should have gotten changed in the bathroom.

He finished pulling on the rest of his clothes as quickly as possible, all too aware of both his own and Tyler's quickened breathing, covered up by the sound of him struggling to get on his clothes. "Okay, it's fine now," he said, and Tyler turned to look at him again, a blush showing through his tanned cheeks. He didn't know why he was embarrassed, really, because he wasn't self-conscious at all, didn't really mind if people saw him not wearing many clothes.

But maybe it was because their friendship was so new. Friendships were always a bit weird and uncomfortable for a while, before boundaries were set- whether it was okay to hug them, kiss them on the cheek, wake them up at three in the morning because, once again, Josh couldn't sleep. They were still setting boundaries, and that was why it was uncomfortable, and for no other reason.

For a few minutes, they both awkwardly fumbled through words, but lame jokes were shared, and it was forgotten.

***

Mark wouldn't stop teasing Josh about his 'huge crush' on Tyler. Out if instinct more than anything, Josh vehemently denied it, but, really? He wasn't sure how he felt about Tyler. They were friends, he knew that, and they were both very happy about the friendship, but he didn't know if there was something else as well.

New friendships were hard. Josh had no idea whether he wanted to date Tyler or just become best friends with him. Sure, the guy was looked cute as heck, had a beautiful personality, and understood Josh better than Mark did, even after only two days, but that didn't equate to him having romantic feelings for him.

Whatever the case, Mark was very insistent that it was romantic, and refused to stop going on about his much Josh 'lit up' when he saw Tyler, or even just mentioned him. For the most part, he just used it as more material to use against Josh, but, in a quiet moment, he looked at Josh with worried eyes.

"Be careful, Josh," he said.

It only got him a brief nod in response. He would try. Josh didn't know if he liked Tyler in a non-platonic way, but he would ignore any parts of him that wanted to fall in love with him.

He was engaged, rich, and might not even stay in contact with Josh after this voyage ended.

***

Josh was failing. Josh was completely, pathetically failing at ignoring his romantic feelings for Tyler. Ever since he had started thinking about it, they had been impossible to ignore.

Somehow, talking to Tyler over dinner (not a dinner date, _definitely_  not) led to slipping away to Tyler's room, where Chad wouldn't be because he was staying with Hayley, his 'close friend', for the night.

They were alone in Tyler's bedroom, so it was understandable that Josh would think about what Mark joked about, and thinking about things too much often lead to them saying them aloud. He laughed slightly. "Mark will think we're having sex," he said, which made Tyler laugh too and give him a curious look.

"Does he think we're dating?" he asked.

"Uh, he thinks we like each other, but he knows I'd tell him if we were- together," Josh said. He wasn't much of a blusher, but his cheeks must be powdered a pale pink at this point.

"Do you?"

A few seconds pause, in which Josh's blush became slightly more prominent, and Tyler's gaze dropped to the exposed skin near Josh's collarbones, avoiding eye contact without completely looking away. "Well, I guess you're pretty cute. I don't know," he said, voice less clear than usual.

"Thanks," Tyler said. "You're pretty cute too."

Tyler's eyes had crept back up to meet Josh's, his little, dimpled smile spreading to Josh, though larger and lacking in dimples by the time it reached his face.

The conversation picked back up again after that, moving to the subject of music, when Tyler pulled off his shirt.

Josh's sentence broke off, distracted by the sight of Tyler's bare chest, soft, tanned skin, a dusting of dark brown hair, concentrated on the area below his navel. He had an adorable tummy, and Josh has never wanted to kiss someone more, to smatter his beautiful body with them.

Tyler looked as though he knew exactly what Josh was thinking. "What?" he asked, amused.

"It would be really cool to draw you," Josh said, which was possibly the worst excuse he had ever come up with for anything. Although, it was true. He could imagine his hand sweeping across paper to mimic Tyler's curves, delicate movements to try replicate his smile, though it could never look as good as the real thing.

"Do you want to draw me?" Tyler asked. Obviously, he was surprised, but he had a soft blush which Josh couldn't help but smile at. They were dancing around each other like this was their first date and they didn't know how to admit their feelings properly, but neither of them was about to put an end to it.

"I don't have paper or drawing... things," he said.

Tyler looked through a couple drawers before pulling out a few loose sheets of paper and a pencil. "Here."

"Oh," he said. "Sure."

Josh went to move a chair to face the bed, where Tyler was sat. By the time he looked back at Tyler, he was wearing only underwear. "Oh?"

Tyler laughed. "Isn't this how your supposed to pose for drawings? With as few clothes as possible?"

"I don't know," Josh said, trying not to just stare at Tyler, in awe of how someone could be as amazingly good-looking both outside and in.

Tyler didn't say anything else, just lay on his side and settled his gaze on Josh, studying him as Josh drew him.

It was done mostly in silence, because Josh was busy focusing on his drawing, and Tyler was trying to keep still, but occasionally there would be flirtatious comments.

"There," Josh said, finally. "Done."

"Huh. Thought it'd take longer," Tyler said.

"It's just a sketch."

"Can I see it?"

Josh stood up, placing the pencil and spare sheets of paper on the chair he had been sitting in, then handed his sketch to Tyler. For a few seconds, Tyler said nothing, a stunned expression in place, then he began to laugh.

"Josh, that's terrible!" Tyler giggled.

It _was_. His entire body was out of proportion, made out of thick lines with no sort of shading. His facial features were slightly off to the left, and none of them the right size, but Josh couldn't be blamed for his lack of talent. It was Tyler who was the one to assume that he could actually draw, or had ever done so since he was a kid. Josh had just not pointed those things out, more out of embarrassment than anything.

Josh pretended to be wounded by his words. "What? I can't believe you would say that," he said. "I'm never gonna become and artist now. I'm just gonna, like, cry."

Tyler put a hand to his heart. "I'm so sorry dude. I feel so guilty. I'm only crushing your dreams so you don't leave me," he said, still looking as though he wanted to laugh.

"Well, if you let me become and artist, you could just travel around with me. Posing nude," Josh suggested.

"That'd go so well."

"So well."

They lasted a few seconds before Tyler was burying his head in Josh's shoulder to muffle his giggling, which Josh immediately joined in with.

He was so dang happy to have met Tyler.

***

Things weren't strange or awkward after that, which Josh had half expected. After all, Tyler had stripped off in front of him, and it had been far too obvious that Josh was attracted to him. By now, he was almost completely sure that their feelings were mutual, though they hadn't quite confessed to each other properly yet. It was difficult, when they were both all too aware that Tyler's engagement, whilst emotionally meaningless, still stopped anything real from happening between them.

That didn't stop them, but it sure helped to put a dent in things.

Another issue was Tyler's threat of suicide. Since they had met, he hadn't shown any signs of wanting to try again, but he had said he had the whole voyage, hadn't he?

It was their fourth day on the ship, but it wasn't due to arrive in the port until their seventh day. He had time. If he had committed to dying, the rails did little to stop someone who actively wanted to die from making their wish a reality, and Josh couldn't be with him at all hours to prevent it.

When he saw Tyler, sitting on the deck at night, legs hanging over the side of the ship, Josh sprinted towards him, calling his name. It was a painful parody of the day they met. Tyler turned his head to look at him.

"I'm not going to jump," he said, sounding far calmer than Josh had expected.

"Oh."

Tyler looked back down at the ocean, brushing one hand over the space beside him to encourage Josh to sit, to which he obliged. It was terrifying, knowing that he could slip, but after a few minutes he felt comfortable, even relaxed.

Tyler clasped his hand over Josh's. "I don't know what's going to happen with us," he said.

"No. I don't either." Neither had looked up, eyes still struggling to focus on dark water through dark fog.

Tyler's hand, the one he wasn't joined to Josh by, came up to cup his cheek, turning to so they were looking at each other. "I know that we've got at least another three days. Might as well do something with them," Tyler said, and leaned in to kiss Josh.

His eyes closed after a second, and he kissed back, shifting his body around slightly without disturbing the kiss so they were facing each other better. It was lovely, but didn't last half as long as he wanted before a strange screeching sound filled Josh's ears.

He jumped away, covering one of his ears and looking around. "What was that?" he asked, but Tyler was as confused as him.

"I don't know." The boat was shaking now, and Josh's seasickness wasn't holding up well. "You okay, Josh?"

"Just. Feeling kinda ill," he said, giving an uncomfortable smile. It only got worse though, both the shaking of the ship and the queasiness. They pulled away from the side of the ship, seeing an iceberg pass on their right.

"Did we _hit_ that?" Tyler asked.

Josh had no answer to give him, but the next while was spent in a huge mess, with Josh feeling as though he was falling. The ship was sinking, and there were people, screaming and shouting all around them. Some semblance of order was established after the ships crew began to direct people into lifeboats, women and children taking priority, but for the most part it was still a mess, and Josh was just panicking, hoping to see Mark.

Tyler was looking for Debby and Jenna, but neither they were nowhere to be seen.

Josh was in too much of a daze to take in most of what was happening, but Tyler's hand was clutching his as they watched the ship break in two and sink from a lifeboat, and then from the water when it capsized.

He had past the point of cold, and entered the point of being entirely numb, muscles beginning to stiffen and chest tighten- Tyler had protested, but eventually he agreed to stay relatively safe on the piece of floating debris instead of forcing Josh onto it. For a few seconds, Josh wanted to shove him off, to take it for himself and to maybe survive, but he shook those thoughts away. He knew that Tyler deserved life, even if for him to live, it required Josh to die.

Josh felt ice form in his hair and in his face, the muscles in his hand becoming too cold for him to be able to let go, felt himself _die_ , and knew that it was so a better man would live.

Tyler deserved life, so Josh let himself die.

**Author's Note:**

> merry valentines day kids. im gonna go cry slightly and then write part of my next long au (another happy one, this time abt tyler stalking josh).
> 
> pls drop me a comment if u liked this. it is the product of weeks of battling through writers block and a complete lack of motivation.


End file.
